Humour…

Some stuff that makes me laugh, but first a little bit about Mr C.

Winston Churchill

Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill was voted the Greatest Briton in a popular poll conducted by the BBC. He beat Diana, Princess of Wales and Isambard Kingdom Brunel amongst others. Yet Churchill’s life was full of conflict and rejection – both by individuals and the electorate at large.

In 1900 Churchill entered parliament as a Conservative but 4 years later, crossed the floor of the House of Commons to join the Liberals for which some never forgave him. Born into the aristocracy, he created enemies amongst his own circle by joining with Lloyd-George and Asquith to bring in labour exchanges and lay the foundations of the welfare state, paid for by taxing inherited wealth and landed estates. As First Lord of the Admiralty on the outbreak of the First World War, Churchill was successful in building up the Navy but effectively was left to take the blame for the Gallipoli disaster by Asquith and forced to resign. He re-joined the army and, having fought at the front, he returned to politics and abandoning his Liberal colleagues was voted in as a Conservative and served as Chancellor of the Exchequer in their government throughout most of the 1920’s. Disagreeing with the Conservative Leader, Stanley Baldwin over India, the abdication of King Edward VIII and German re-armament, he was excluded by him, and Chamberlain from any public office in the 1930’s. His warnings that Britain was unready for imminent war were met with derision by many. Even his own local party tried to unseat him at one point. Appointed First Lord of the Admiralty on the outbreak of the Second World War, it wasn’t until May 1940 that he finally took over as Prime Minister, aged 65. Five years later he was mobbed in the streets as the country celebrated victory against Germany. He was a national hero. Two months later, he was swept from office in the General Election of 1945. Although his wife implored him to withdraw from politics and enjoy his retirement, he spent the next 6 years as leader of the opposition before again becoming Prime Minister in 1951. Almost from the start of his second premiership he was dogged by Anthony Eden urging him to resign and make way for a younger man – himself! Churchill attempted to get American President, Dwight D. Eisenhower to agree to direct talks with the Soviet Union, but failed. Eventually, in 1955, he made way for the younger generation. He lived for almost 10 years longer. In his early life, Churchill had been a soldier, coming close to death on several occasions. He lost his parliamentary seat more than once. One of his daughters died as a child, another committed suicide as an adult.

What can we learn from Churchill? Whilst, history is pleased now to look back on him as the “Greatest Briton” it is quite clear that at the time he made many enemies, and endured set-backs, rejection and at time opprobrium. He failed to win some of his final battles and suffered from depression in later years. The history books are full however, not just of his inspiring speeches and tales of heroic leadership, but of his sense of humour and good grace.

1. We can conclude that Churchill was a realist. He squared up to defeat and was thus able to move on from disappointment. Whilst undoubtedly having a huge ego, he knew full well when he had been beaten, learned from it and re-joined the fray.

2. We can see that Churchill made enemies – but he kept a close circle of genuine friends. These were not toadies, but allies willing to confront him. He never surrounded himself with “yes men”, was willing to take into his cabinet those who had previously opposed him, and bore few if any grudges, certainly not for any period of time. He was not vindictive. In old age he was unencumbered by the poison of bitterness.

3. He genuinely cared about people and took a great deal of trouble over them. Pictures of Churchill touring recently bombed streets may have been carefully choreographed, however stories abound of the trouble he took over all sorts of people. He joined a regiment in 1916 that was deeply demoralised. By the time that he returned to England for good he was their hero. Many similar accounts exist. Clearly a sufficient measure of the genuine affection his trouble-taking engendered has endured over time. Endured in a way that the disagreeable feelings of some of his contemporaries towards him have not. Endured sufficiently for him to be voted the Greatest Briton almost 40 years after his death. Taking trouble over people counts for a great deal.

– We can conclude that Churchill was a realist.
– He never surrounded himself with “yes men”
– He genuinely cared about people and took a great deal of trouble over them.

There are undoubtedly plenty of other conclusions to draw too. These three however, are as relevant today as they have ever been. They are applicable in any number of different settings. They are, above all, characteristic of truly “Great” men and women everywhere.

(In memory of  my good friend and mentor Matthew)

Nancy Astor; “If I were your wife Mr Churchill, I would put poison in your coffee”.
Churchill; “Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it”.

A woman; “There are two things I don’t like about you, Mr Churchill – your politics and your moustache”.
Churchill; “My dear madam, pray do not disturb yourself. You are not likely to come into contact with either”.
More to follow…

Tommy Cooper

You might think looking at Tommy Cooper’s achingly funny attempts at magic, that he was not very good at it, very much in the same way Les Dawson couldn’t seem to play the piano. Actually they were very, very good at both. Tommy usually liked to rise at midday and then spend most of the afternoon visiting all the magic emporiums in London trying out new tricks, then he would go to one of a dozen magic clubs that were prevalent in those days before finishing off doing a turn in a late night cabaret. Before fame really found him that was his life!

One of the best loved British comedians of all time, Tommy Cooper was a legend in himself. Born as Thomas Frederick Cooper in 1921, he always had an affinity for magic. At the time of his birth his parents were told that he might not survive infancy; not only did he survive, but he also grew up to be a giant of a young man, towering at 6” 4 inches. A magic set gifted by his aunt when he was a kid laid the foundation for his future career. He was employed as a magician on a boat when he was just 16. However his first performance was a failure and people started to laugh. Though hurt at that time, he realized that he could develop a unique style of entertainment if he could combine magic with comedy, and that is what he did. He had to serve in the army during the World War II and during a performance at Cairo he could not find his regular hat and in an impromptu move grabbed a red fez—a traditional hat—and placed it on his head. The audience started laughing so hard at this gesture that the fez became a trademark of the comedian.

Some jokes…

My next door neighbor – he said to me, “you’ve got to get rid of that dog”. I said, “why?” He said, “He keeps chasing people on a bicycle”. I said, “Well, take his bike away then”.

More to follow…

  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  • My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I earn. Then they call me ugly and poor.
  • I tried to catch fog yesterday – Mist.
  • I entered 10 puns in a puns contest hoping one would win, but no pun in 10 did.
  • I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
  • Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  • A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: ‘Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
  • A classic Tommy Cooper gag: “I said to the gym teacher: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.'”
  • Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other off.
  • Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day – but I couldn’t find any.
  • A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal”. The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him “Juan”. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: “They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”